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I
was born in Tennessee in 1981, but I grew up in a small town in Georgia,
living in a green house that had a backyard where I played and entertained
myself. As a child, I wasn't allowed to watch much television other than
"good" movies. I also was not allowed to play with other kids
unless they were from our church, but I couldn't really connect with them
because they all thought, dressed and lived differently than I did. I
grew up with no schedule and no rules other than having to finish my school
work, so I would take my school work out to the middle of the woods and
lay in the sun listening to Beethoven as I did my math. With no real
friends to hang out with or play with, I was left with a big backyard, art,
music and books.
I devoured the books and learned as fast and as much as I could. While most
kids were watching TV, I was reading and writing and creating. Eventually
though, I grew bored with suburbia and my backyard. I had absorbed all I
could from the world around me and I wanted to move forward. My mother had
dedicated me to God as a child so I was in the church being educated three
days a week. My parents wanted me to be a missionary but, while I wanted
to help people, I didn't quite see myself being a missionary.
When I was 15, I begged my older friends, who were artists, musicians, poets,
and philosophers, to rescue me from suburbia and take me to Atlanta. I knew
I had to be in the city and I knew I was going to be a musician and an artist.
My friends came each day to the middle of nowhere and took me to the city
with them. I spent time in smoky bars and coffee shops talking about everything
and listening to music. In the city, I found life and hope.
One day I was in the mall and there was a contest being held for the Elite
Look of the Year. I entered it and won. I was hired by the modeling
agency and put to work as a model. My parents were not happy, but I was
enchanted by the doors modeling opened. I also saw modeling as a way for
me to make it on my own and as a way to fund my music dream. I dove in and
soon I was all over the scene and at every show, every shoot, every after
party. I was 16 and I had the world in my palm -- drinks, drugs, money,
fame, power.. The lifestyle, however, soon caught up with me and eventually
my parents put their feet down, telling me, "Either stop or else."
I took the "or else" route.
At 17, I left home, moved downtown, got a place and lived on my own. I started
doing music. I had a dream of building my own music studio and moving to
New York, but then life spun out of control and I was soon left empty handed,
broken, with nothing and alone. The details don't matter, but I essentially
went from the top of the top all the way to the bottom of the bottom.
Still, I had a dream of music, so I left the fashion world and became part
of the rave world. There, I remembered my dream, was inspired, came back
to life, and began my quest for music. I made a list of what I needed to
do to build a studio and move to New York and I figured how to do it on
my own. I was now 18 so I decided to model again and use what
God had given me to get where I wanted and needed to go. Modeling
would provide for my music and my art. I sold my body to feed
my art, so I could develop as an artist and create. Soon my modeling career
skyrocketed. I was everywhere and booked everyday. I was traveling the world,
walking for top designers, and I became one of the first models who used
the Internet as opposed to traditional modeling agencies to find work. I
became one of the most visible models on the Internet, and I am still one
of the top models in the fetish, fashion and art worlds. For me, modeling
was a means to an end, and the end for me was to make music.
And that's exactly what I did. In time, my longtime close friend,
David Kirby, and I did an EP called The Fallen and we put it on MP3.com.
Shortly afterwards, when I was in Los Angeles, I got an email from Brian
Sirgutz who was at ELEMENTREE Records at the time. He liked our music and
he reached out and touched us. Brian and I spoke for some time and then
we arranged to meet for coffee. Until we met Brian Sirgutz, David and I
had given up on the industry. We met Brian one day in Soho for coffee and
he educated us. Brian gave me the tools and encouragement I
needed and he gave me wings to help me fly out of the box I was in.
David and I next did a full length album called Elucido Beta which was ahead
of its time. The record labels did not understand it and we
were discouraged, but still determined. After Beta, David left
New York and I started to make music alone. I began producing, arranging
and programming. I then I got a call to go to Milan for the 2002 modeling
season, but before I left for Milan, I met with Brian one more time and
he again inspired me. I left the States and spent two months in Europe doing
fashion, but every day while I worked in Milan, music haunted me. The music
bled inside my head. I would hear it calling me, pulling me to return.
I returned to New York and kept making music and putting it out there to
be heard. While in Atlanta visiting my family for Christmas, I got an email
from a record label that wanted to put out my album. Based on my earlier
experiences, I was cautious. "The only way I will do it is if I have
control over all of it," I said. David Paul Wyatt Perko, the head of
Emperor Penguin Recordings, agreed and I began work on Neverland, my first
solo project. I then got a generous grant from the New York Foundation for
the Arts which helped tremendously. Things were falling into
place.
As a musician, I believe music should be the artist's vision and I was determined
to make music from my soul. For Neverland, I wrote all of the
music and lyrics and I did all of the arrangements. Then I called David,
who is the most amazing producer, and he added his magical touch to make
it shine. Brian was also a continuous source of education and development
through the process. Once Neverland was finished, I was on my
own and it was time to get the music out there.
And here we are now. Since its completion, Neverland has been
featured in SOMA Magazine and it has been favorably reviewed by Outburn
and Amplifier magazines, and by many others. It is being played by DJs on
radio stations around the world. It is unique. It also got me
recognized as a new artist by the people who run the Grammy Awards. In addition,
my music is now being used in films and on television. I am currently working
on my next album which continues from where I left off after finishing Neverland.
I am also working on preparing a live show to take on tour as well as developing
a film, producing new music videos, and working on other projects such as
Mental Sanctuary and the Blackbook Project. Neverland was the opening chapter
to a new book in my life.
I feel we live in a time when we are told to suppress our feelings on the
things that matter. I disagree and my work speaks out against suppression
of truth in all matters. My music is my art but it also a cultural commentary
and my reaction to the world I see around me. In fact, my website, which
I built myself and which is an extremely popular site on the Internet, lets
me express myself and share my art with the world in the form of my images,
photography, essays, journals and poems.
I will continue moving forward. Now it is time for me to really get to work
and I have a lot to do. And I will do it all. I have always sacrificed and
will continue to do whatever it takes for my music and vision because, to
me, artists are the ones to carry the message to set people free from the
things that keep us all in our boxes. In a world where it seems there are
more and more boxes to be locked in, I feel that art and music is the only
way to break down the walls that block us from what we are searching for.
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